what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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