You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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