She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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