That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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