Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
