Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
