You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I wish you could order shots online.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
