Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
