This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
this hospital has no fireball
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
