Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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