I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Randomize
