you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
No I am not eating basil off your cock
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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