i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
