i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
