You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
How external is "for external use only"?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
