You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
