After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
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