Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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