you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
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