We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
