I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Bring me that man meat
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