You made me cry and you don't even care
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
