If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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