the new term for farting is butt boxing.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
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