I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
