Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
