do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
We need to get me chipped asap
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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