so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
