the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
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