She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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