Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
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I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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