Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
