this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Randomize
