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The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
