Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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