Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
