so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
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