I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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