why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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