It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Randomize
