i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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