i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
