im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
