its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
if only i could text you this smell
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
