Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
We had to coat check the pizza.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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