Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
