I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You ate ashes out of my bong
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
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