Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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