were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
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