So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
