everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
