Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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