Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
