Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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