i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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