Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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