"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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