Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.