The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
30+ People Share Their Worst ‘Intimate Experience’ And They’re Traumatizing
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people