on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.