i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
