I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners