no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.