So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
