Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop