so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian