I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
