If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
