I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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