Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
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Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
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i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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