Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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