hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
