I think my vagina is haunted
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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