I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
