I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
