He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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