hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
