Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
