I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
