Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
