I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
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so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize